Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
pop tarts are not kleenex
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
