So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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