If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
