i don't like sucking hair
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
