remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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