bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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