I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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