...so i touched it.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I need mimosas to revive my soul
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
