wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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