this beer tastes like vomit already
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
