How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
