is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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