Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
