I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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