she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
my poor anus
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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