In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
