yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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