I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
