So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
