Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
