Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize