I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
