I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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