my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
