i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
