No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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