she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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