apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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