Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
