Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
