I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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