Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
