Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
