My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
