I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
