you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
