You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My penis needs a shock collar
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
