I love black thongs
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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