is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
