tell your sister to shave her snatch
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
