Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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