In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
