I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
