Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
