listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
