Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
