i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm too high and old for this...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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