I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
