i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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