White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
