i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
