im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
