I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dicks are not precious.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
