Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
