Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
