You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
