you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
