ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
