He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
