why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
