I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
