I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
