Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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