so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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