escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
