Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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